urgent plea

FIND ME A JOB!!!! please, and soon. I don't want to be poor anymore. I'm fun, adaptable, friendly, warm, I make a great cup of tea, I can type, I'm literate, I speak excellent English, I'm good with large and small quantities of info, I don't hissy under pressure, I'm flexible, adaptible, I'm great on the phone, I can usually fix your computer, I read the papers every day, I'm reasonable with numbers, I've got an eye for detail, I'm a Virgo. Hire me. It'll make your day and mine. We're sure to have a wonderful relationship together.