how am I going to make this work?

I've just spent about 20mins plugging various dates and times into flybe to try and go and see The Boy over the next month, and nothing worked at all. I can get something a month away, but between me not seeming to get any weekends, and with HBoS having the worst working schedule ever, so they can't even refund holidays that I'm due until October 11th, I'm getting pretty upset. It just doesn't seem fair or right, and plus, I'm just disheartened by the whole affair. I might as well book the ones for weeks and weeks in advance, just to make sure I can, but its just heartbreaking.

Today, in general has been a heartbreaking day. Let me start by something funny though. Lil Sis told me yesterday that she watched some woman's rectum being removed in surgery yesterday, which was pretty gross. It just made me think of a story by Chuck Palahnuik called Guts, which is just about the most vile, disgusting, and pretty gross, but compelling thing I've ever read. And apparently, all three of the story lines are true. Even worse.

But what's been going wrong? The weather - wind and rain creating interesting obstacles whilst biking home - I honestly thought I might cry when I got home; general extreme boredom at work; a general sense of boredom and ennui; there being no food in our house; and just och! I have no motivation to do the things which I used to love - like redesigning this sight for instance. I mean, I used to get a kick out of that, but no more. What is wrong with me? I still love writing, but the fact that I know I have to get my ass in gear and redesign it, as well as design a surf chick site as well, does not exactly get my heart racing. And it should! Maybe I'll have to give myself a kick up the arse. Either that, or buy some motivationally inspring "look-you-too-can-have-a-lovely-shiny-cool-website" tips book or something. I guess I am just upset about the lack of The Boy time I seem to be having. It just doesn't seem right. Plus, the only weekend that does work for us is the same weekend as FMN3's flat warming party in London, and I really wanted to go to that and see all my London people. Eek and arg. Plus, there were waves at Tyrella today, and I was sitting in an office, receiving emails about waves at Tyrella. That's not right, is it?